If I think about it, I went to university, lived by myself, skipped classes for the first time, ate LOTS of cafeteria food (more than all my high school years combined!), stayed up REALLY late into the night playing on RO (Ragnarok Online) and DOMO (Dreams of Mirrors Online) (Hiro can testify to that xD), and was humbled more than the time I almost failed French 8.
I won't go into any details, but I will say this - I am so very blessed to have parents such as mine. They've supported me all this time, even if they are a bit controlling (in my view) and lazy. I have disappointed them more than I can possibly imagine, yet they continue to support and believe in me (even though I haven't been the best daughter to them for the past couple of years...)
I act all helpful, calm and the perfect obedient daughter, but in reality - I'm far from it. I'm lazy to a fault, pushy to my brother, and I'm constantly pushing the boundaries of my parents' patience.
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I feel like as if I need to get away from all this - to a place where no one gives a damn about where I came from, who I was or what I've done.
I want to start over - an entirely new life with no history. Yet... I can't bear to leave my parents and, surprisingly, my annoying little brother Young.
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Lately, I've been thinking about going to visit Hiro, or him visit me, or us meeting somewhere int he middle. But seriously... who am I kidding? Like hell he'll let me come to Puerto Rico from what I hear from him, like hell will my parents let me meet someone from online, and like hell any of us will be able to afford the plane tickets anyway...
As much fun as we imagine what could happen should we ever meet in real life, we both know that it's almost impossible considering a) we live on opposite sides of the continent, b) personally we're both dirt poor, and c) we don't even call each other by our real names.
Funny thing is... I've always though and refered to him as Hiro, and hardly (if ever) as Luis. Yet, somehow HIro fits him better... or maybe that's just me...
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You know, I never really thought about this, but... over the 3 years that I've known him, I've only thought of him as my best friend until the past December... which was when we had that HUGE fight... okay, I exaggerate. It was a stupid fight... in which most of the fault was with me for being a stubborn idiot...
Hiro and our guildies were chatting and joking while I had went to get food, and when I came back, our guildies went into match-making mode, and tried to pair us together. Since I already had similar experience from my friend and I's parents, I immediately balked at the idea. To my relief, the others soon gave up.
Hiro, however, wouldn't let up.
He kept teasing me about it, then when I said no, he told everyone that I avoided him "like the plague", which was totally not true. Nonetheless, (in my view) he kept pushing the wrong buttons, and finally I blew up at him, saying (I'll remember this no matter what) "if you keep doing that, I'll stop healing you" or something to that extent... (in other words, I just told him to go die ><) Totally ruined everything, and for the next 3 days...
I may have seem to be like my usual self, but in reality, I was miserable - I couldn't talk to Hiro much, and if we did, it was just polite chit-chat, or things to do with the party that we were in, or in guild chat. Then when he got Rhen to be his "lover" on DOMO on the 2nd day after our fight, that really killed me inside. I felt like as if I got rejected, like as if he was just pushing me aside. We talked even less after that, and even though I tried my best to not let it bother me, and I wanted him to be happy, but I still couldn't live it down...
Finally, it all came out when Hiro suddenly said that he would leave the guild to help Vie create hers. For some reason, to me it seemed like as if he was severing our last ties and leaving me. It was a stupid reason for me to blow up at him about, but at the time, it served my purpose to let all my anguish out (sorry, Vie, for using your guild as a stepping stone in our relationship xP). Needless to say, everything finally worked out in the end - got my gaming/anime/manga/msn-ing buddy back, and... well... "the rest is history" ^^~
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Looking back, my heart still hurts from when I had thought he had left me behind, and even more when I realized that I had also hurt him when I continuously pushed him away. Yet we both came away from that closer than ever, and our relationship deepened and grew.
Now, he enjoys tormenting me with his pervertedness and watching my face turn into a tomato... I've yet to do the same to him though... -racks my brain for a way-
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And how this turn from my personal growth in life to my love life, I have no clue.
But I'm glad it did, because I finally got it all off my chest.
And if you're reading this...
I love you, Hiro~
